We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
