a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
