I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
