just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
