Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
