Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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