Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
