whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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