I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The air was thick with penises
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
