If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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