I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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