Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
a search helicopter?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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