My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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