Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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