I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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