Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
