he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
