You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
