new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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