We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
