You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
