I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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