.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
