I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
