My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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