Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
