it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
