im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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