Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
