i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
