So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
