So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
