So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
