He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just googled if crying burns calories
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
