i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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