Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
