I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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