At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
