Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
