I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
