He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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