this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
