Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
