omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
