We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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