everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
