I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
