Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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