ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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