Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
