oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I supernannyed him into submission
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
