That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
