Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
