I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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