puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
