Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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