Got a toothbrush?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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