walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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