honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
