It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
