I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
