How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
