There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
