Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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