I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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