Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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