Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize