Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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