dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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