you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
