everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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