Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
