finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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