yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize