you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
